Praying for Forgiveness
by CinamonSwirls
Summary: This is just a one-shot songfic, as I was bored : RoyXEd


**This is just a one-shot song fic. I've never really tried it, but I was listening to **_**How to Save a Life**_** by the Fray, and I just wanted to make one:] see if you can figure out what's going on yourself;]. **

**Oh, I don't own anything here, apart from my OC :D **

* * *

_**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through**_

You sit uncomfortably in your seat, glaring at the coffee before you. The smell of baking, and beverages wafts into your nose, warming you from the piercing, snowy outside world. Your body is completely void of the sounds, or the sense of feeling. You feel numb, and empty. Your entire world had come crashing down, and there was no way that anyone could rescue you from the debris. You see a figure, standing before your table, and you look up, to see him before you. His, once beautiful smile, had been long since removed. You refrain from smiling at him, like you had on usual days, here in the warmth of the little café.

"Please, Edward, sit." You gesture to the seat in front of you.

"Thank you," He smiles that beautiful smile that catches the breath in your chest. You smile at him, gazing into his golden eyes.

_**Some sort of window to your right  
as he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came**_

You gaze out of the window beside you, wiping away a strip of frost with your still gloved hand. His body turns, so his back is against the wall, facing to your left, but you keep your frame facing forward. The regret, and guilt washes over you like a tsunami, and you wish that you didn't have to be the one to break this news. As much as you might have been devastated, his pain would be more than you could bear to see him handle. You sniff, feeling a cold coming on.

Then, you begin to worry. Would he blame you for it? Would this be your fault? You push that thought out; you must tell him now, before you completely shatter.

"Edward," You start, grabbing his attention, "We need to talk."

"What is it, Maddy?" He asks, anxiety beginning to glaze his eyes. You cough, covering your mouth. This is going to be difficult, you tell yourself, but you must not delay. The longer you wait, the worse the situation will become.

"It's about Roy," You can't bear to look him in the eyes any longer, so you hide your face beneath your hair, biting your lip. You see him, shuffle in his seat, facing you directly now. You try so hard to just catch a glimpse of him, but are afraid of the pain you will feel when you see his eyes.

"He was ill," You start, "He died, last night." A wry voice crawls out of your throat. You feel the tears gather in your eyes; for he was a father to you, treated you well and cared for you. The news hit you like a kick in the teeth, and your world came to a sudden standstill.

_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**_

Yes, you confirm it was your fault. You had, had no time to be with him, and to sit with him while he was sick. You never even told his lover, his beloved and entire world that he was ill. It was your entire fault, for being so selfish. Your self-centered attitude, caused him to think that Edward did not love him. Was it because you were jealous? Jealous that Roy had stolen the one you loved?

You could hardly believe you had done something so vindictive. Surely, Edward would hate you with his entire fiber of his being.

You silently prayed, to your father figure, that somewhere along the callous actions of yours, you must have done something benevolent, something worthwhile. And you knew, just then, that if you had taken time off work to be with him, he would probably be alive today. Had you known, how to save a life.

_**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you**_

"Don't lie; I would have known if he had simply died!" Edward retorts. Your gaze snaps up to him, showing him the tears in your eyes.

"I was there, Edward. He was in the hospital for months, I was there!" You persevere, keeping your eyes in his.

"No, this can't be right," His hands run through his hair as he fidgets, trying to grasp this. You do not interfere, for you know the pain that this must cause.

You tell him everything, laying down the issues. He can't grasp this, his stare falling from yours as he comes to terms with what is happening. As you explain, you pray to God that he can hear you.

You pray that Roy can see this pain.

_**As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came**_

"Why did I not know about this?" He clenches his fists on the table, his voice raising. You look away again; and you feel the guilt hit you.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." You whisper through the lump in your throat.

"Why did no one tell me that my love was sick?!" He yells, "How could you keep this from me?" He grabs the collar of your coat, yanking who forward. You still refuse to look at him, and you close your eyes.

"Edward, your options are clear," You explain; "You can hang onto his death, until it drives you to insanity. Or, you can let go – move on. Granted, not right away." The anger of having to be the one to explain this sorrowful decision wells deep within you, but you suppress it – you must be strong.

"I...I" He releases his grip on you, and you lean back. You have concluded something obvious in your mind; he will do one of two things.

The most likely thing he will do will be to blame himself. That is human nature, an irrational act that we – as humans – cannot control. Every individual being blames themselves for the misfortune of others, for it helps with their feeling of guilt. This act tries, yet fails, to relieve the pain from others, by taking the blame.

The second thing he could do, is accept that Roy is gone. Accept, and mourn for the loss of his one true love. He will admit that Roy has changed him in so many ways, and he will take those adjustments to the grave with him.

"Where is the Equivalent Exchange in this?" He breathes. You look to him, understanding in your expression. He looks back to you, exchanging quick eye contact.

"I do not know, Edward," You sigh. You wish – pray to God – that Edward will move on. And you yearn for, with every fiber of your insignificant being, Edward's requited love. Though, you know, after how conceited you have been, that he will never love you. Never in all the lifetimes could you live, would he ever love you. That was hardly Equivalent Exchange.

"I need... I need to think." He stands, and leaves the café hurriedly, as the tears spill over his cheekks. You gaze after the ghostly remains of your love, and feel the aching, arcane in your chest.

You regret ever arranging this meeting.

'_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life'**_

You thought to yourself, as you cried yourself to sleep that night.


End file.
